Failure of "MAYs"

"May wind change its direction.May tommorow, sun rise from south. May clock adds one more hour to its dial.May fish fly and we walk on seas." - All are hypothetical apprehensions. There is only a "MAY" between a myth and a reality.But this three letter word can make life look simpler.A child imagines himself as a supernatural human-being, flying and fighting all the way and enjoying every moment of his "MAY" world.But this enjoyment vanishes as we grow. Why can't this stay for ever?

We grow and with us grows the shackles. Fetters, binding us to the world's nomenclature of being a grown-up. And as the time passes we go more and more into this trap and then each and every thought of living in "MAY" world hampers with the ever clashing - Expectations. We lose all the innocence and get stuck with frustrations and regrets.Growing-up is one of the law which kills me everytime.When I say this, i guess, I represent more than 95% of the adults.I try manier times to enter into that old world of mine to be the one to run here and there jst to say to my mom that "Maa,I want to be an aeroplane when i grow." I wish I could capture all the caress,love,warmth and innocence of then and preserve it in a locker forever.I, often, see a dream full of things i yearn for. Everytime I wake up and see around, dissapoint myself.

Why dont we take an initiative to scavange our world? Forget the stress and boundages..Love every species possible and spread the fun of being loved,cared...Just being what you want won't cease one's circuitous progress but It would rather help to breathe.  Let's change MAY into CAN. Hunt for our own wishes and feel the child inside you, enjoying and laughing all along......

BEWILDERMENT

An Hapazard creation..but still workin on it:

Sometimes, you say something, and I contradict,
I bolstered positively,you said "you can't",
Is this the way we gonna be?
But, still, when you say you can, I BELIEVE!!

Let's apart and be happy,
cried my heart and whined your soul,
scares me inside,is this how it gonna be?
But, still, when you say you will, I BELIEVE!!

Umpteen plans we design, when alone,
Trying to execute,putting heart and soul,
As soon as we reach,the devastation!!
Is it how it gonna work out?
But, still, when you say we can, I BELIEVE!!

When I fight and you be quite,instead,
i rained and you shelter me,
I am bewildered,Is this way you,always ,gonna be?
Now,when you say you can be without me, I believe NOT!!!

Reminiscence

Today when i look back to the time,i could see many pictures of my past calling me back.Some yelled at me to undo them and some pleaded to give them life again but some were still staring at me with an bizzare.I apologized to one who had repentance that they couldn't be justified but was proud for those who were happy that they existed.Memories are not to be created,they just happen.I believed that I remember less things than a goldfish does.But i was proved wrong when suddenly I was nostalgic about whole of my life's journey.And, hence, i concluded that faces may fade but memories are always preserved.
There are somethings that never let you forget them.Even when you aren't in your concious you cant get over them.Not necessarily that they have to be the horrible ones but the terrific ones too do leave the same impact on our minds.Its just we regret more than rejoice for what we had
Some of such memories are hampering me nowadays.I see something and i reconnect it with past activities realted to that.Isn't it strange?Are these emotions that they are trying to replace my "MACHO" image.lol.But its hard to believe that a human can feel so many things that none other creature can.They are so beautiful things,how can god be so unjust to others on this earth.The purpose of writing  today wasn't being amazed on what we have and what others don't but it was to thank to all the people who have booked a place for themselves in collage of my life.Thanks alot!!

I remember few people so strongly and would like to mention few of them here.Whatever kind of person I am,its just those memories,those people made me.Every person,every chat,every fun with them built my life and made my character the way it is today.I know this isn't the place to show affection and say thanks to all but there is no better place where i could communicate so well to them,to express those things which i can never say.
Here we go...
We weren't that good financially when i was 4.We resided in a rented house.That place is so close to me that i remember each and everything of that place as it is.It is a precious place to me.The character formation started right there.
Our landlords stayed in a attached bunglow.They were really nice people.There were two kids,LABDI and HARSH, of my age group then.I was so attracted to them,that i always wanted to be with them and play with them.Yeah,maybe because i had no things at my place as they had in theirs.We used to play together and gradually the feeling had gone that they were superior to me.The demarcation line was erased.they were not LABDI and HARSH anymore,now they were labbu and harshu for me.
I felt so much like them and this all happened not because of them but there grandpa..DADU.I havent yet seen any person as gentle as him.There was something about Dadu that always pulled me him to hear what he was saying.He always taught nice things to his grandchildren,a daily session of good deeds and thoughts.And i feel myself lucky that i could be part of the sessions too.He never differentiated between me and his children,infact,he was more afectionate to me than them.He
Taught me the importance of having people around.He taught me how the life changes when you have bunch of nice people to encourage you and he did te same for me.He inculcated a seed of friendliness in me.I was child then so i couldn't understand that his words were actually affected me.Coming and going is a part of life and Dadu had to follow the rule and he went leaving me without a clue that where he was going.But i know good has a place for him in heaven right beside him.May his soul rest in peace.
Now it was time for us to leave.Now we were moving to place of our own.Living there leaving Labu and Harshu was not easy but it was now a nice feeling meeting new people and starting a new life.I was of 7 by then.I made many friends in my new School but on day one i had a fight with a girl,Avani.Who knew that she would me my best friend.She was an arrogant gal then but somehow I knew her as a better person.We became friends.She,at the age of 7,had very strong ambitions and knew what she wanted to do.She was
a ranker and i was too,but her ranking has a different place for me.She was her father's daughter.Whenever i went to her home,her daddy will teach us Maths.He never let s use any eraser.He always said "Ek baar galti ho jati hai to use mita nahi sakte.Isiliye jo bhi tum apni book me likho, soch samaj kar likho."Now when i say those words i know a better meaning for those lines and so i know why Avani was so correct for me always.She learnt me to fight for the right,to be open to show your talent and many more.We danced together a decent number of times.And then again the worst part that i had to leave the school and leave her too.I was sure that i would miss her and i really did.
Pa was tranffered to Gandhidham so we had to leave our house and go.Gandhidham is a really nice place.I like that place better as i was now old enough to have my work startd for making my frame of understanding.Now I was a teenager and took everything a note of.
I met an important person here,Aunt Usha.She was our neigbour and was staying with her husband.She is a beautiful woman and they both made a great couple together.But still there family was incomplete.Unfortunately,they had no children.And so is the fact they loved me alot.Usha Aunty held more powers on me than my ma had.She had a captivating power to move me wherever i wanted.I was a naughty child but when usha aunty was around i always wanted to listen to what she is saying.It was not because i was scared of her but i was fond of her.I learnt that how its not just all about self.Thinking for others happiness gives more joy and making other smile gives happiness."Selflessness"-She introduced me to the word and i had it on my frame.I was better person ethically.Voyage time...
Now i was a young girl back to my home with new experiences.Now this was a stranger place for me.I insisted daddy to move as i had noone to be with  me and i felt alot of changes there.There was no Avani anymore.She moved to a better place for better education and society.So i saw no reason to be there.I too moved out.
Now i am in Ahemdabad city.I have no sister and brother staying here with me and i am all alone.I am bored all the day.No friends of my age group,Pa goes to office and comes back at 7 and Ma-I am too bad to her.And now i am all of my own with noone around.I miss DADU.He isn't here to teach me how to not to be around anyone and be happy.But I have a habit talking to self.It is not madness.its just i get to know that what i want to do when i talk to self an that is easier to me.So when i go out,i make sure that people are happy around me and have clear vision in their lives but when i am with myself.. i have learnt to self-perseverance. And that too has been framed.I am happy for what i have learnt..
But amidst all this learning i forgot the lines said by Avani's dad and missing that single line made me enter some pages i never wanted to append..anyways its all about life,It has taught me to be good to others.And trust me it feels great when there is a curve on someone's face because you happen to them...

Happiness

What manifests happiness in you?In biology, there is a term dopamine which stimulates happiness in your brain and makes you feel good. But how to stimulate it? There are manifold ways to it for different individual. For example, if its my case, i was puzzled initially about the things make me joyous. I had to research on it.Yeah I know it sounds bit absurd but I really did not know what is it to make me happy?
Those who achieve everything so easily in their lives, generally, dont know how it feels to be happy.I am not boasting that i have possessed everything so easily but,instead, I am hapless if i don't know how to react when something huge happens to me. When I see a worker persevering whole day just because at the end of the day he gets pittance pay and will earn two breads for his family to see them happy.He is so happy, so contented...Why cant I be so, when I get a mobile phone or a car ,gifted to me? Thats where lies the quest.
I have all the things which a normal person dreams of,but still I have malaise.But still, there is lacuna.I don't feel contented.Its not my greed or urge to have more,its just i don't feel that I have earned it.I just got it.I didn't struggle for a single thing.And I feel bad when I cant be happy on things for which others have tears of happiness.I want to know how it feels when you achieve what you waited for years.Maybe its my ignorance to the real world but I would call it my Fate.But today when i was consolidating the times when i felt really satisfied it was when I helped without expectations.I reveled it when i gave my umbrella to a group of small kids when it was raining.I knew they can't repay me anything but the happiness was precious.I knew that i am not helping them just by giving a single umbrella to 5 kids but the moment i was selfless and the way they enjoyed being under it when they had never touched it before n their life made me commendable .And thats when i discovered secret of my happiness an di ahve decided to work on it.It really gives pleasure when you pursuit to happiness and in this run you make others jubilant too.We all have one such moment ,grab it and work for it.Life will be easier...

Past stuck..

I felt alone,when I had everyone,
I was unhappy,when everything was done,
For me,the world became hostile,
All were strangers though they were all mine
none understood me,nor did I
Never allowed anyone to hear me cry
Every street i passed by,asking a quest all this why?
was shattered inside my soul,still tried to manage all my roles,
I know now,at the end,I am a fail
I am in the fetters of my own jail
Missing the time when i was supreme
I had a friend, to share my dream...

recognition

its my first post so i am not sure about it..

Is it so easy to give up your whole life for somebody who never bothered what u think,what you want??I have seen at many places that a girlfriend not talking to others just as her boyfriend didn't want her to,many wives following their husbands without even being recognized by their husbands.I guess its all feelings and respect for the relation.But is it always right that only one has to compromise.this world would be a nicer place if both would have shared their pains and led the relation to all pinnacles.Its not that i am saying its wrong,its just strange for me.May be i have the same thing waiting for me but i will try that i never allow this to supersede me.In today's world its very important to have own identity.And i wish that every individual could fight for that identity.There is only one "YOU", please do not let that one "YOU" go so easily.Fight for it.Be it on any grounds.I assume that everyone who has his own signature,his own stand, deserves to be happy,to be respected.At the end,its our inner soul,who asks for the answer to the question- "What you have done to me?". Just be able to answer this and be self-contented.